


AND I THOUGHT JANUARY FIFTH WAS BAD

by racooninnit



Series: mental illness is just another form of creative writing [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Crying, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Older Sibling Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicidal Thoughts, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Younger Sibling TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28602975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/racooninnit/pseuds/racooninnit
Summary: a drabble about tommy after the events of the january sixth stream. while this doesn't explicitly delve into it, this has themes of both suicide and self-harm, so please be cautious when reading!it's just some standard tommy angst really
Series: mental illness is just another form of creative writing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2104359
Comments: 14
Kudos: 376





	AND I THOUGHT JANUARY FIFTH WAS BAD

Tommy can’t help but reflect on the events of the day as he looks up at the stars. His whole body aches, he’s so, so tired, but he can’t sleep. The day keeps repeating in his mind, playing over and over like a broken record.

He’s lost everything. He lost L’Manburg, his home. He lost all his items, his discs, his weapons, his armor, all of it. He lost the last remaining memory of Wilbur. _( **His Wilbur.** The Wilbur who loved his baby brother and told him as much.)_ He lost his only living brother. He lost his _dad_. And even worse, they’ve already replaced him. They took Ranboo in just like that.

_(He isn’t mad at Ranboo, isn’t mad at any of them. Ranboo needed that place to stay, to get away from the conflict, and they provided it. Ranboo deserves that break away from everything. But it doesn’t change the hurt that fills his chest when he thinks about it.)_

And now, thinking rationally and not in the heat of the moment, he knows he fucked up big time. Techno is right, has always been right. But Tommy didn’t listen, and now he’s here. Sleeping out in the woods with nothing but a few torches, Wilbur’s ratty old trenchcoat, and a thin blanket to his name.

It’s pitiful. Tommy sniffles, bringing a hand to his eyes in a futile attempt to rub away tears. It’s cold out, it’s so cold out. The torches he has do little to stave off the cold.

He finds himself wishing he were back in the Nether again. Regretting not stepping off the netherrak ledge and plunging into the lava below. He wants to feel the scorching heat again, wants to seep into the flames of the hellscape below. The idea of being able to feel his skin melt off his bones, to feel the lava mix with his bone marrow and swallow him whole, has never been more appealing.

He wants that heat back, because even though it was hot _(too hot, far too hot, it’s scorching his skin and now he can’t breathe he can’t breathe he can’t breathe-)_ it provided comfort to him. It grounded him. It reminded him that he was alive. 

_~~(Not that he wanted to be.)~~ _

It was either that or… other methods. His eyes flicker to one of his torches. It isn’t the same heat as the nether but it might be sufficient.

Tommy looks away from the torch and sighs. He can’t do that. No matter how badly he wants to.

_(And if he caves in the middle of the night and sports a new burn on his shoulder in the morning everybody is none the wiser.)_

**Author's Note:**

> im so fucking upset over today's stream, i cried so damn much. ALSO FUCK DSMP PHILZA MINECRAFT HE UPSET GHOSTBUR, FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH DSMP PHILZA MINECRAFT
> 
> twt is @stiniky


End file.
